In my short life so far, quarter of a century to be exact. I've had 2 legal English names both of which I no longer identify with. There is no significant meaning behind these 2 names. They have just simply been space fillers for people to address me with. Names in the English Name Dictionary so that I could fit in to this American Anglosphere. But do I as a person still fit into this sphere? Yellow skin and eyes slanted. Not really.
Growing up I've been asked many times why I have an English name because I LOOK like I shouldn't. I never could really answer that question and even today I still don't have a full satisfactory answer. All my family members and Chinese classmates had both English and Chinese names. So of course, I wanted to be as American and proud of it as them.
The past two years though, I felt I almost forced everyone to address me by my Cantonese name and scornfully spoke my Cantonese name when people still called me by my English name. I no longer feel any material connection with my English name at all. This name only reminds me of my constant desire to hide my Chinese self from others. Now I embrace my Cantonese name, my birth name, as tight as I do my language and culture.
"Wind" is my third English name, but this is different. It has meaning unlike my first 2. It is a direct translation of the artist name I chose for myself 風. I fly with this name in pride not feeling I am hiding my Chinese self. Maybe I will write a poem about how I got to this name later.